Work Stress |

Hello my loves,

I write this at 1:15am. I'm drained. Mentally, physically and just drained in every way possible. Life honestly has thrown some curve balls my way recently but I think I'm at the end of the line on what I can take. I have worked the same job for six years. Now while my job isn't important, it can be stressful. I used to go into work and still manage to have a good day. There would always be one reason to smile even though it would be manic.

Lately I come home angry about the day. I come home with the weight of everything on my shoulders. The team I work with can be lovely but then some days the toxic traits fill the air and I can hardly breath. Today I got in trouble for simply helping someone. You know those days where you go "I can admit I'm a bitch but for once I was actually just trying to be nice and help someone else" and it just got thrown back in my face.

I won't apologise for doing my job, I won't apologise for knowing that while everyone else will happily just run around in the chaos, I will step up and take charge and go no we need to do this. That trait doesn't come naturally to me. It's something I have had to learn to do and I'll be damned if I get told I'm in the wrong for doing my job and keeping things going. 

People assume I do fuck all at my job but the amount of heavy lifting and work I do that they don't see, it's like it just doesn't matter. I could sit and tell thousands of tales of some of the people around me but I won't. I won't give them the time of day or my brain space anymore. I think I have finally realised that I need to get out of that place. My one tie to the job won't be there much longer soon and I am honestly thinking of just leaving. Now it's not a decision I am taking lightly. I am not a quitter. I don't like to give up when things get hard, I just feel like I am being left with no choice. My mental wellbeing is suffering massively now and I know that if I don't take action now, this job will destroy me. 

I have honestly given my all to that place and for what? For lack of respect. For having my name dragged through the mud for doing my job. I just know when I everniutally get pregnant, I have to weigh up if it is healthy for me to be trying to grow a new human with that much stress. the answer is of course no. I wouldn't want to risk any harm or stress. Now some might say its a silly reason to quit my job. Financially I would be okay and I know I would find a job again. Now I know I am very fortunate to have a job in the current climate but honestly, for my own well being now. It's just not worth it. It's not worth the hours I come home and shout and cry about work. It's not worth the days off I spend ill in bed because I have stressed out so much about the day to come. 

Anyone else had an issue with a toxic workplace? Did it get any better? Did you leave? just let me know in the comments please as I am struggling right now. I just want to be able to leave work there and just be able to find some peace.

Love always,

Maggie-Rose x