Mental Health | Possible Bipolar

Hello my loves,

Now whilst I want this space online to be filled with positivity and love, I also want it to reflect the struggles we all have at one point or another. Now my mental health has been something I have struggled with since I was maybe about seventeen. I'm not sure why but I started to notice that I wasn't coping all that well. My moods would go from one to another in an instant. I find that I have days when I'm on top of the world and so happy, yet within an instant I can go into very depressive states very quickly.

Now I won't say I understand Bipolar, this is just what the mental health nurse thinks I most probably have. I'm in the process of getting assessed for it now. Now that conversation was the most important one of my life and the scariest. Now my mental health struggles I have only really ever shared with my best friends and my other half. Lately though, things happened in my life that triggered it all again. Thats when I knew I needed help.

Now I will say this next part will come with a trigger warning so this will get dark. I just feel like speaking about it may be able to help some people, I fully understand if you would like to click off now as I don't want to cause any upset. Now that I've given you that warning lets get started. Now I found that a few years ago, self harm became a coping mechanism for me. Now I know that it is never the answer, but anyone that has felt like that is a way to cope will understand that at that time in my life, turning mental pain into physical pain helped. 

Now I am not condoning it at all because I know that I should have reached out but I'm just telling you my story. Now I have tried committing suicide a few times, thankfully my attempts were flawed and I'm here to tell my tale. Now a few weeks ago I tried and thats when it clicked in my head that I need to get help. I think there's such a stigma around people that feel suicidal. People say that they are attention seeking if they tell people but then if they keep it quiet, people question why we never speak up. I think we are all so quick to judge but you unless you've felt the pain and suffering, the need to think that ending your own life is better than living. You can never understand. I think we just need to learn to have more comparisons. 

Now for me, I don't think the little cloud of darkness will ever really go. This is part of me and I know that the good days will outweigh the bad, but I'm okay with who I am. I'm really happy that I am getting the help I need. For me, I think they spark of I need to be here for my future children. I need to be here for my family. I need to be here to witness all the little moments of joy my life still has to come. Well that is what sparked me to finally speak up. Finally ask for help. Now if it's not Bipolar, then I'm sure professionals will get to the bottom of what is going on in my head. I think I feel like a little weight has been lifted now that someone else knows my story. Now if you are feeling like this, please just reach out. Even if you don't want to talk to someone you know. Theres so much help out there, or even just drop me a little message and I will do my best to try and help. Below I will link a few places that really helped me and like I said, even if you dont want to speak to them then you can always message me and I will do my best to help.

Here's to getting the help I need and starting to find a happier more balanced me.

Love always,

Maggie-Rose