A Private Life | A New Me

Hello my loves,

To say my life has been a bit of a rollercoaster lately feels like an understatement. Life threw me a massive curveball, it broke my heart and in bizarre way it's made everything a bit better. I think we all have habit of judging before we are ever thrown into that situation. Right now I've made a choice, a choice no one else but me will understand and whilst that scares the hell out of me, it also fills me with a little bit of excitement.

Now I think there's only one person who reads this blog that knows my little life conundrum. I shall be keeping it that way, When life threw me a curveball I lashed out at the world and took everyone with me. I dragged names through the mud, which was justified at the time but I regret that now. I regret not living in private because its made things now much harder. 

This will either be the best decision of my life or the worst, time will tell but I am not the type of person to give up after the first hurdle. I was going to go back to my old blog, it felt safe and familiar in a way that welcomed me home. I realise now I need a new path. I need a new space where the lines aren't as blurred. So with that in mind, let me introduce myself. I will say now I won't be using my real name, I shall go by Maggie-Rose. That has a meaning to me and I think only one person on this planet will understand that right now. I struggle with mental health to a whole new level now. I've tried commiting suicdie a few times now, thats never the way and I know that now. That's why I'm getting help, it scares me more than anything but now is the time for change and part of the change needs to be me.

Now the last few weeks have been like a whirlwind but in that storm I did find a kind soul who gave me the push to just do things for me, I feel like we share the same mind and while I don't think I'll be in contact with them again, they showed me just how much I should value myself and that is something I will always be grateful for. A little explorer that just bumbled over and made my path a little clearer. I am fully aware they will never see this, but if they do then hiyyaaaaa. You were the umbrella in the storm, the light in the dark and the one who trod the path for the new me. 

Now my life looks like it might be taking a new path but still including the original goals. Just I need to learn to love in private for the time being. Now there's some bits that happened that are just for me and someone else. I felt like I had to lie to the people im closest to to spare them. Maybe in time I will open up, but for now. The less people I hurt in the storm the better. I feel like from here we build a better future. We build a stronger and better more magical partnership. We can all throw blame at one party but I feel like when we evaluate ourselves, we see the little cracks we all decide to paint over. 

Life is never easy, it's full of ups and downs and right now as I write this, I have either made the best decision of my life or the worst. Time will tell, I do hope it's the best. I will still be sharing my life with this little space online, but if this storm has taught me anything its that life was simpler when I was loving in private. Now onwards and upwards in this thing we call life. Here's to the future. Here's to a clean slate. Here's to loving in private and building a better me. To those who got caught in my storm and ran, I'm sorry for letting the rain hit you. For those who got caught in the storm but allowed my rain to wash over you, thank you. Thank you for being the umbrella in the downfall, a small act of kindness went a long way.

For now, lets see what life has in store for me. If Disney have taught me one things, it's that all you need is faith, trust and pixie dust. 

Maggie-Rose 🌻🥀