Mental Health | Possible Bipolar

Hello my loves,

Now whilst I want this space online to be filled with positivity and love, I also want it to reflect the struggles we all have at one point or another. Now my mental health has been something I have struggled with since I was maybe about seventeen. I'm not sure why but I started to notice that I wasn't coping all that well. My moods would go from one to another in an instant. I find that I have days when I'm on top of the world and so happy, yet within an instant I can go into very depressive states very quickly.

Now I won't say I understand Bipolar, this is just what the mental health nurse thinks I most probably have. I'm in the process of getting assessed for it now. Now that conversation was the most important one of my life and the scariest. Now my mental health struggles I have only really ever shared with my best friends and my other half. Lately though, things happened in my life that triggered it all again. Thats when I knew I needed help.

Now I will say this next part will come with a trigger warning so this will get dark. I just feel like speaking about it may be able to help some people, I fully understand if you would like to click off now as I don't want to cause any upset. Now that I've given you that warning lets get started. Now I found that a few years ago, self harm became a coping mechanism for me. Now I know that it is never the answer, but anyone that has felt like that is a way to cope will understand that at that time in my life, turning mental pain into physical pain helped. 

Now I am not condoning it at all because I know that I should have reached out but I'm just telling you my story. Now I have tried committing suicide a few times, thankfully my attempts were flawed and I'm here to tell my tale. Now a few weeks ago I tried and thats when it clicked in my head that I need to get help. I think there's such a stigma around people that feel suicidal. People say that they are attention seeking if they tell people but then if they keep it quiet, people question why we never speak up. I think we are all so quick to judge but you unless you've felt the pain and suffering, the need to think that ending your own life is better than living. You can never understand. I think we just need to learn to have more comparisons. 

Now for me, I don't think the little cloud of darkness will ever really go. This is part of me and I know that the good days will outweigh the bad, but I'm okay with who I am. I'm really happy that I am getting the help I need. For me, I think they spark of I need to be here for my future children. I need to be here for my family. I need to be here to witness all the little moments of joy my life still has to come. Well that is what sparked me to finally speak up. Finally ask for help. Now if it's not Bipolar, then I'm sure professionals will get to the bottom of what is going on in my head. I think I feel like a little weight has been lifted now that someone else knows my story. Now if you are feeling like this, please just reach out. Even if you don't want to talk to someone you know. Theres so much help out there, or even just drop me a little message and I will do my best to try and help. Below I will link a few places that really helped me and like I said, even if you dont want to speak to them then you can always message me and I will do my best to help.

Here's to getting the help I need and starting to find a happier more balanced me.

Love always,

Maggie-Rose

Boohoo Purchases |

Hello my loves,

Now last week apparently I saw my Hermes Driver more than my family.....I think he may think I have a shopping problem. Now while in totally I only got 5 things, I got a few sizes and sent a few bits back. Hence why me and the delivery man are now like best pals. Honestly he's seen me 6 times this week and thats more than I've seen my other half. Now I only actually have three pictures on here at this present time. One of these I got in two colours so thats where the other picture went. 

Daisy shorts and bodysuit |

Now *BOOB ALERT*. I'm sorry but the spaniel ears are very present in this photo but I personally have a new found confidence in bodysuits. Now I find that to get the boobs how I want them, I size down. With Boohoo I have found that for my shape, I have to size up on the bottoms and size down on the top. Mainly because if I bend over I don't want my boobs falling out.

Now these Daisy shorts are a new firm favourite of mine. I normally shy away from high waisted bottoms, my stomach has always been something I am very conscious of. These shorts however make me feel very confident in that area of my body. They are really comfy and honestly sit just perfectly around my waist. Now if you want the shorts just click here

Bodysuits. Now I used to hate these with a passion, I won't lie, feeling a bodysuit uncomfortably sit on my bum isn't for me, I just undo the poppers so it basically becomes a top. I have found that depending on how much boob I want on show depends on whether I brave the uncomfortable feeling of poppers on my nether regions (In my head that was funny). Now I got this in black and white. I found that normally I am a 20 on top, I got this in a 16 and it fits like a dream on me, just bare that in mind when ordering. I personally like mine a little more snug so if you like it a little looser I'd recommend sizing down. But they do a little tool on there to help find your size which I have found so useful. 

If you want to grab the bodysuit just click here

Yellow playsuit |

I am not normally a person that suits yellow. I'm not saying I do now. I'm just saying its grown on me slightly with this playsuit. Now maybe its the florals that have made me fall in love with this, maybe its the fact that it covers my arms. We will never know. Now I think I might need to size down on this, the bottom is perfect but the top is just a little too loose. Now I like a loosey goosey top but this one just lets my boobs fall out of it. And if I'm wearing this at my local Tescos and need to bend down, I think the last thing little old Dorris needs to see are my spaniel ears dropping in the biscuits. Overall I really love it, I would just size down with this one. 

If you want to take a little look at this just click here.

Pink floral playsuit |

OH MY LORD. Now this is a bit of me. I love anything floral and this fits like a dream. Honestly never felt so much comfort in a playsuit. This was has sleeves but you can easily tuck those in and just wear it like a boob tube top if you wanted to. Now I dont even need a bra with this and it fits perfectly, like no issues with boobs falling into things in this one. My only thing I would say it could improve on......it just needs a pocket. 

I dont know where my obsession with pockets comes from but I love them. Just a little pocket to pop a bank card in, a phone or I'll be damned.....a little snack (Said the plus size lady. The irony.). 

If you want to have a little look at this one, which I highly recommend you do then just click here.

Now thats all I got this week. Now I do have another item on the way but that won't be here until tomorrow. Honestly if they had a way I got get same day delivery I would be thrilled. Now I think thats all for me today. Im hopefully going on a little walk later and I cant wait. Nothing like a forest to help clear my brain.

Love always, 

Maggie-rose 

Embracing The Curves |

Hello my loves,

Now with the little ups and downs lately its been hard to find a focus. Turns out my focus has been trawling throught boohoo for hours on end. Now I normally hate branching out and getting new clothes. Being a plus size woman, I find that I like the baggy clothes to hide my curves. Im not sure what has happened but I have a new found love for my curves. More focusing on my legs. Now I am normally a woman that anything above the knee is a massive no, for me I just hate my thighs. Not sure why because they are the reason I don't loose my phone while scrolling through my phone while having a wee (Don't lie we all do that). 

I recently found pair of high waisted shorts and I am living in them. Like I'm not sure why I love them so much, they put a lot of focus on my stomach which used to be a massive no for me. However, I am loving the little boost its given me. Another part of me I'm learning to embrace a bit more are my boobs. Now I'll level with you, my boobs without a bra droop like spaniels ears so I think people get a bit of a shock when they see a little cleavage on me. Now I have recently decided to embrace those spaniel ears and whilst they aren't fully out in your face, I'm enjoying appreciating them a bit more.

Why am I choosing to actually share pictures, I'm not sure. Now I won't share pictures of my face, I mean thats who I am. I will happily share pictures of my curves because for once I'm proud of who I am. I had a comment the other day of "Why are you getting your boobs out", followed by a laugh. Nothing was meant by it but I was like this isn't me getting them out. If people want to see them as objects then so be it, to be I'm proud of my spaniel ear boobs. They are part of me and I'll be damned if I am ashamed of my body anymore. 

In the same respect it won't always be an instagram feed full of my cleavage, thats not me all the time. I want to branch into more curvey fashion. I want to show people with curves that we can be proud of them. I need to be a little healthier, thats a given but I have no shame in how I look. I think everyones so focused on the perfect body image, im unsure why as everyone is different. We are al stunning, no matter how big, small, tall, short or anything else. Lets just let everyone be who they are and enjoy the journey. 

Maggie-Rose 🌻🥀

A Private Life | A New Me

Hello my loves,

To say my life has been a bit of a rollercoaster lately feels like an understatement. Life threw me a massive curveball, it broke my heart and in bizarre way it's made everything a bit better. I think we all have habit of judging before we are ever thrown into that situation. Right now I've made a choice, a choice no one else but me will understand and whilst that scares the hell out of me, it also fills me with a little bit of excitement.

Now I think there's only one person who reads this blog that knows my little life conundrum. I shall be keeping it that way, When life threw me a curveball I lashed out at the world and took everyone with me. I dragged names through the mud, which was justified at the time but I regret that now. I regret not living in private because its made things now much harder. 

This will either be the best decision of my life or the worst, time will tell but I am not the type of person to give up after the first hurdle. I was going to go back to my old blog, it felt safe and familiar in a way that welcomed me home. I realise now I need a new path. I need a new space where the lines aren't as blurred. So with that in mind, let me introduce myself. I will say now I won't be using my real name, I shall go by Maggie-Rose. That has a meaning to me and I think only one person on this planet will understand that right now. I struggle with mental health to a whole new level now. I've tried commiting suicdie a few times now, thats never the way and I know that now. That's why I'm getting help, it scares me more than anything but now is the time for change and part of the change needs to be me.

Now the last few weeks have been like a whirlwind but in that storm I did find a kind soul who gave me the push to just do things for me, I feel like we share the same mind and while I don't think I'll be in contact with them again, they showed me just how much I should value myself and that is something I will always be grateful for. A little explorer that just bumbled over and made my path a little clearer. I am fully aware they will never see this, but if they do then hiyyaaaaa. You were the umbrella in the storm, the light in the dark and the one who trod the path for the new me. 

Now my life looks like it might be taking a new path but still including the original goals. Just I need to learn to love in private for the time being. Now there's some bits that happened that are just for me and someone else. I felt like I had to lie to the people im closest to to spare them. Maybe in time I will open up, but for now. The less people I hurt in the storm the better. I feel like from here we build a better future. We build a stronger and better more magical partnership. We can all throw blame at one party but I feel like when we evaluate ourselves, we see the little cracks we all decide to paint over. 

Life is never easy, it's full of ups and downs and right now as I write this, I have either made the best decision of my life or the worst. Time will tell, I do hope it's the best. I will still be sharing my life with this little space online, but if this storm has taught me anything its that life was simpler when I was loving in private. Now onwards and upwards in this thing we call life. Here's to the future. Here's to a clean slate. Here's to loving in private and building a better me. To those who got caught in my storm and ran, I'm sorry for letting the rain hit you. For those who got caught in the storm but allowed my rain to wash over you, thank you. Thank you for being the umbrella in the downfall, a small act of kindness went a long way.

For now, lets see what life has in store for me. If Disney have taught me one things, it's that all you need is faith, trust and pixie dust. 

Maggie-Rose 🌻🥀